I know, It’s a little cocky sounding. Hear me out.
When I fall for a girl, I fall hard. I want to make her tea and cuddle her. She becomes special to me. Usually when this happens it becomes one sided and I lose the proverbial battle. In addition to this, sex has an uncontrollable emotional connection for me. I still haven’t figured out if this is some mindless placebo effect caused by an earth shattering orgasm… Or if it’s genuine emotion… Either way, its inconvenient.
Recently I took a chance. I had been talking to a girl. She was a dreamboat I would happily ride for a long time. (get your head out of the damn gutter) I bought a bus ticket and went to visit her for the most emotional one night stand ever… I had an amazing time. I cooked for her, we drank a bit. We danced, my god did we ever dance… I had never enjoyed it until I danced with her. We had a lot of deep talks and heartwarming cuddles and before I could saver the moment it was done… and i was back on the bus to the place where I people like her don’t exist…
Ok Keabs get to the point…. ok ok. Well, today, she got a girlfriend. That long distance banter we once shared had slowly dwindled, and I felt it like a loss… Sure, it sucks, but I’m not single…
This has opened my eyes. After blindly giving myself to person after person I finally realized that I need to date someone that will always be there for me, someone who can take care of me, and that person needs to know me well… This person needs to hold me as the most important person in their life…. that kind of person doesn’t exist though right? Wrong..
I need to date myself… This is the most meta way to go fuck yourself. Really!
In all seriousness. This means self care at its finest. It means I’m going to delete apps like tinder and OKC and live for today, and live to satisfy myself emotionally. Like I said in my first post Not Likely To: Stay in an uncomfortable situation “[I am] not ready to devote all of [my] time to someone else other than [myself]. ” I knew this before, and this always feels the truest right now; When I’m left alone with nobody but myself. Sadly right now, it doesn’t feel good…
Long story short, our relationships with ourselves should be one that we are comfortable falling back on. It should be something that when we are left alone, and to our own devices, we find comfort in the person we should always be dating. Ourselves. So with the hopes that you and I will treat ourselves better…. Go fuck yourself… The meta way…
and of course, stay cosy.
-Keabla
Keabla 