Blog

Ramble: The Politics OF Middle Earth?

[Warning: Unstructured content, english majors beware]

I’m a bit of a nerd. I’ve probably spend more time dreaming about the hobbit life than I have doing anything productive. but this has given me lots of opportunity to observe what politics might be like in middle earth.

There are many different places in middle earth, home to many different breed of hominoid. and everything seems to be going well for the most part, at least from the readers/watchers perspective… Until of course, a horrible necromancer pours all his hatred and malice into the one ring that he then uses to try to make middle earth great again… You might be catching on to the topic here. If not, let me… sort of…elaborate…

Yes there is hatred in middle earth between its inhabitants… middle earth is not a perfect place. however it IS damn near close to a perfect little corner of the world. Each race has its specialty and each race has its faults, but these are all recognized and sure some characters like Thranduil and Thorin are a bit salty about things, they get past it. Why do they get past it? because there’s a greater evil that needs defeating come LOTR when a certain One Ring reappears….

Salty Kings aside, you get where I’m going? IF WE JUST LET SAURON REIGN YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN?

final-sauron-edit

Point…

Anyways, I apologize for the rambling post, I hope it made some sense.

Stay cozy little elves..

-Keabla

Advertisements

Not Likely To Stand by: Should I call SOS?

Have you ever wondered If you should call SOS for someone you personally feel like needs help? Well I’ll share with you my experience that didn’t go quite alright, and let you decide.

Was it fucked up? I don’t know.

I know thats a confusing start. This won’t be one of my most articulate posts. It is with an exasperated, PTSD, fighting off a pannick attack, kind of sigh that I tell this story.

On my way home I got off the bus to a man thinner than I, standing, hunched over, and clinging to his Wheelchair. All of his affects strewn around him. It looked like he had thrown up.  To me there are several red flags. This prompted me to 1. talk to him and then 2. call SOS…

Now… I have known people, friends, mentors, what have you that have lived on the streets. The horror stories of shelters at capacity and cold nights and rude people wring my hear to this day. Seeing this man the way he was, I could not let myself just leave him. So I asked him ” Hey, are you ok? do you need help” He slurred at me, Saying he was exausted and he needed to pick everything up. He said its fine. the words that came out, came in such a way that made me believe with the core of my being, that this person was NOT ok This could could have been one of my friends at one time, and what would I have done for them? I had fear in my heart, a fear that if I left him he might collapse and choke on his own vomit..

Quickie sidebar: The Bystander effect is where people don’t do something to help this one situation at the center of it all… and because nobody is doing anything everyone is afraid to take the first move. This is how people in need lose precious minutes that could save their life….See Wiki’s Bystander effect

On several occations I have reported OD’s and unconcious people intoxicated or otherwise incapasitated. I don’t know If I saved their lives but I know they should not have been left to their own devices… A women clearly passed out after using in the bathroom of a restaraunt… a woman that had just been in a fender bender but was feeling pain in her pregnant belly… all of these situations were fairly black and white as to whether or not they needed emergency help.

At this point, I’m breaking down writing this. because the next part wrenches my heart… This situation was well… Kind of grey…  I called SOS. I asked them to send someone to just check him out. I thought that they would send an ambulance… and the paramedic would check him out.. maybe give him some water and if he didn’t want to get into the ambulance they can’t force him. well I sat with this man. I talked to him… Thats how it usually goes..

As soon as the help arrived (which help apparently meant 1 fire engine and an ambulance… a little overkill…) this man turned from being sick looking and feable to flailing and swearing and telling the ambulance and paramedics and everyone including myself to fuck off… He looked at me dead in the face and said “That was really fucked up”

I backed off.. scared. PTSD welled up inside me and I left regretting everything. Fighting off one mighty pannick attack. Maybe it was fucked up, maybe I did wrong by him. and I don’t know how I can care so much about a man that I don’t even know.

I don’t know what to take from this… to be honest I’m still worked up and all I want is a damn hug…

I would say follow your intuition, but clearly sometimes your intuition puts your mental state at risk. People that clearly need help don’t always want it. I suppose we have to respect it to some degree… if someone is talking to you and responding to your questions… maybe they’re ok. Again I have no idea what to make of this event, but I would love to hear your opinion. Please forgive this hastey post, I usually edit to oblivion but today, is not that day.

*sigh*

Stay cosy friends…

-Keabla

Note: If you ever need someone to talk to please know that if you are at a loss, I am here. You are loved. You are worth the time to help, and you are above all else, a beautiful cosy soul. Thank you for being you.

Not Likely To: Stay single.

I know, It’s a little cocky sounding. Hear me out.

When I fall for a girl, I fall hard. I want to make her tea and cuddle her. She becomes special to me. Usually when this happens it becomes one sided and I lose the proverbial battle. In addition to this, sex has an uncontrollable emotional connection for me. I still haven’t figured out if this is some mindless placebo effect caused by an earth shattering orgasm… Or if it’s genuine emotion… Either way, its inconvenient.

Recently I took a chance. I had been talking to a girl. She was a dreamboat I would happily ride for a long time. (get your head out of the damn gutter) I bought a bus ticket and went to visit her for the most emotional one night stand ever… I had an amazing time. I cooked for her, we drank a bit. We danced, my god did we ever dance… I had never enjoyed it until I danced with her. We had a lot of deep talks and heartwarming cuddles and before I could saver the moment it was done… and i was back on the bus to the place where I people like her don’t exist…

Ok Keabs get to the point…. ok ok. Well, today, she got a girlfriend. That long distance banter we once shared had slowly dwindled, and I felt it like a loss… Sure, it sucks, but I’m not single…

This has opened my eyes. After blindly giving myself to person after person I finally realized that I need to date someone that will always be there for me, someone who can take care of me, and that person needs to know me well… This person needs to hold me as the most important person in their life…. that kind of person doesn’t exist though right? Wrong..

I need to date myself… This is the most meta way to go fuck yourself. Really!

In all seriousness. This means self care at its finest. It means I’m going to delete apps like tinder and OKC and live for today, and live to satisfy myself emotionally. Like I said in my first post Not Likely To: Stay in an uncomfortable situation “[I am] not ready to devote all of [my] time to someone else other than [myself]. ” I knew this before, and this always feels the truest right now; When I’m left alone with nobody but myself. Sadly right now, it doesn’t feel good…

Long story short, our relationships with ourselves should be one that we are comfortable falling back on. It should be something that when we are left alone, and to our own devices, we find comfort in the person we should always be dating. Ourselves. So with the hopes that you and I will treat ourselves better…. Go fuck yourself… The meta way…

and of course, stay cosy.

-Keabla

On The Move. In Motion. Moving!

As you may have guessed. I’m moving today. Moving is a fairly easy, and straight forward thing for most. You put things in boxes and then those boxes in a vehicle and then bring that vehicle to where you’re now paying rent. and so on. Most people around me don’t quite understand the magnitude.

A long time ago now, probably around 2010, my mom got married. A vast majority of the population seems emotionally fit to know what they need and want and know how to pick a decent person with whom they solely copulate… to put it as mechanically as possible.

Not in this case. I’m not usually one to spout hate. but this man is a close-minded, violent, angry, jealous, and mentally abusive (sometimes physically abusive) person…

In my cell phone, he is “Der Keine Scheiße.” (German for The little shit) previously its been “Crap spackled shit pot of a human being” until he called my phone one day looking for it and well… saw it.

Because of this man, my dog is blind in one eye. Ever since the day he came to live in mine and my mothers’ sacred space, I have been trying to escape.

I’ve lived on my own before. a few months at a time. Usually until my roommate and I had a falling out or I was broken up with. but not like this. This time, it’s supposed to be it. moving out for good. I’ll be managing, and building my life according to my wants and needs, and I couldn’t be more excited.

I’m moving and it’s a big day because I’m moving out of an abusive home that’s bad for myself and my dog.

If it ever is requested I’ll delve deeper into my crap. For now, I’M MOVING!!!

 

Stay cozy sweet peas.

-Keabla

 

Not Likely To: Stay in an uncomfortable situation

I’m a Lesbian. Or at least I identify as one. Like any conventional cis, straight couple we can have issues in relationships too. So don’t get any ideas like “Oh John is being such a Fart-Sparkle, I should leave him and date women” believe me… it’s not any easier, although thank you for potentially broadening my market.

As you may have guessed, I’m in a rough patch in my relationship. I don’t want to give away too many details, but let’s say we’re both not ready for a relationship. We are not ready to devote all of our time to someone else other than ourselves. Yet, we expect the other to dote on us. You can see how frustrating this could be.

In this particular situation, I feel like neither of us will be happy in the long-term. So, what’s the solution? I’m sure the answer to this is divided. “You should talk it out!” “No, no, you need to dump that butthead” Well you’re both right… and simultaneously wrong. When you care as much as I do for someone like my partner, of course, all I want to do is talk through it, and find a place where we’re both happy. Believe me, that would be great. Sadly, I don’t think that conversation would end with two happy people. Someone would end up sacrificing too much and then, well, we’d be right back here.

So that leaves me to walk the plank on this relationship and swim an endless sea of singles until someone comes along that feels right.  Yep. We need to break up.

From what I’ve heard, breaking up isn’t easy for anyone. First, you have to admit that all that time and effort you put into building something with that person is going to be all for nothing. Some might say that the time you spent together is precious, and should be remembered as such. Well, for someone who’s been dumped as many times as I have. No, you’re wrong.. and, correct me if I’m wrong but, you’re probably the person that does most of the dumping. Right?

Secondly, you have to find the courage to disappoint someone you (potentially) still care about. In my case, that’s sin number 1. If I let anyone I’m close to down, be prepared for the emotional wreckage that follows. (Please tell me if I’m alone in that really…) You Can imagine, that’s precisely why I’ve never broken up with anyone before. I’ve even gone to great subconscious lengths to convince myself that my unmatched affection and desire for the other person goes un-waivered.

Thirdly, It has to be done. After many agonizing days, maybe weeks or months trying to decide if this is what needs to be done. You’ve got to do it… Ideally somewhere neutral and private… but that doesn’t matter for the dumper… much more for the sake of the dumpee… a consideration if you will. I’m not saying I’ve got this down to a fine art but having been dumped so many times… I think i know what would have softened the blow…

As of writing this, I’m still in the relationship, technically. I can’t say it will last much longer. If you’re dumping someone, or feel like someone’s dumping you. Try to think about yourself. Is this what’s best for you? how would your quality of life change, and will it be for the better?

Bottom line… there’s no such thing as the perfect or easy breakup. Someone will always get hurt. It will always be hard, and no, they never “take it well”

-Keabla

Stay cozy little buns.

Oh one last thing: Don’t dump someone and say you’re doing it for their own good. That’s like the biggest slap in the face with a half rotten salmon you could issue someone.